Losing and Finding

Last year, I lost a friend. Things just broke between us. I'm not someone who loses friends, really, and I've never quite made my peace with it. Probably, I never will. A big part of our six-or-so-year friendship was based on music, and when I hear something that this person would love, I feel guilty as all hell. Today, I discovered an amazing and utterly beautiful Graham Nash song from his first solo album. How I lived my life up to this point without this song astounds me. Music has a way of affecting me like few things can. A set of lyrics can bring tears again and again and again. Good harmonies cause a physical feeling like being on a roller coaster. Singing along often creates a ripple of shudders down my body, complete with goosebumps. Ask my mother, and she'd tell you this means I need to focus more on my guitar playing and songwriting. I should, I know. But, when I hear songs like this one - this simple, short song - I can't imagine being able to write anything even remotely comparable. Ever. It keeps me stagnant. Paul Simon, Suzanne Vega, Jonatha Brooke - I could never write like these people (and so, so many others). The weight of their incredible talent is crushing when I'm sitting with a guitar in my lap and a pad of paper on the table.

Anyway, finding this song is something I would have shared with this person in an emphatic, rambling email. Since I couldn't write that, I'm writing this.